Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
