Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
