its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
