Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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