too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
