i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Houston, we have a squirter
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
