Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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