I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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