Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i think i just lost a toe
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
