He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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