ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
