I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
