Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
