real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
