please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
