I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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