I think I died a long time ago.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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