whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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