Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
