I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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