Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
