We're facebook friends in real life
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
