We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
