we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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