i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
