I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
