Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
