I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
