That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
