I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
