Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
