i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
