Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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