I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
