Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Say something about gay babies.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
