carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
