My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this boner is exhausting
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
