his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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