we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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