I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
