Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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