the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
