Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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