I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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