Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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