So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
