I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
