Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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