a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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