If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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