im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
