do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
