Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
