I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
