My first STD was from a foam party
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
