I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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